Six Months Ago, I Wrote A Letter To Myself.

At the busiest and possibly most frazzled time of my life, I spared a moment to write a few paragraphs for the displeasure of my future self to read, thinking that perhaps in a less overwhelmed state of mind, I am able to look back and fully appreciate the course of events that took up all of my time this year.

Half a year later, today, when I have finally reached a stage where life seems to be slowing down again, I found the luxury of time to revisit this draft and this is what I told myself:

One day, when all this is over, I would be looking at myself from a third person’s perspective and repeatedly say that You (as in myself), are absolutely crazy.

Completely crazy for all the times I got into the things that I got myself into in the first place.

Wait, what?

Anyway, if there was one thing I overdid this year,  the winner would clearly be all that eagerness to say YES on way too many occasions and that single word alone has kickstarted a whole series of events.

The result of this?

I landed myself in an array of activities ranging from official commitments like work and education, to the other end of the fun spectrum like travel, wedding shenanigans (be calm, it’s not mine) and various social events that my curious nature was unable to resist. Don’t get me wrong; it’s nice to be kept busy, but when I started juggling several things at once, that’s when I started thinking twice if this was actually a good idea to begin with.

It’s not that I am unhappy to land myself in this situation; in fact, what I feel is far from it. There is just so much fulfilment to be immersed in all of my current commitments but man, through all this multitasking, I have also unlocked a whole new level of sleep deprivation and caffeine dependance, all in desperate efforts to survive.

At this instant, writing this down is to emphasise how drained I am at this stage, and I am not surprised that my future self will have stress levels reaching its peak, but after all this is over, I know I would look back and laugh at myself in disbelief for all the juggling I have done, and no matter how crazy I still think I am, it’ll be worth it.

If you could do yourself a favor though, just don’t do this to yourself, ever again, please?

Reading this now makes me laugh to myself in disbelief at all that had happened –

Looking back, I still don’t know how I juggled two jobs while preparing to sit for a professional exam that had six papers, took some courses, helped to plan weddings, organise an upcoming bridal shower AND traveled within and out of the country nearly every month this year. I’m pretty sure there were other mischief here and there, I just can’t remember it all. On most days, I had most of the above happening all at once, and the struggle was real to devote an equal amount and time and effort for each of them, on top of maintaining social relations with the people who are nice enough to tolerate my continuous absence. Heh.

I couldn’t agree more that I was batshit crazy to have done what I did. I obviously survived the entire process to be able to tell the tale now, but in all honesty, it was not without compromising other aspects and falling very sick on one occasion from the lack of proper rest.

But, with all that has happened, I cannot be happier to have done all that, and I count myself extremely lucky to be enabled by inspiring people who had given me all the opportunities that led up to today. Because the outcomes were so great, it outshone the gruelling efforts needed to reach the end of the journey. I mean, if it wasn’t for all this, I would never have discovered that juggling could potentially be my forte, or that I was capable of normal function with only 3 hours of sleep every night, or that coffee has never tasted so great the very next day.

The golden question is though, did I have any regrets?

Absolutely not.

Given the chance, would I do it again?

Absolutely not either.

Well, I say this now, but who am I kidding? We all know that I’m bound to get myself into the same slippery slope that I told myself thousands of times to never do again. I’m not surprised if I stick my nose into something else the minute this gets published.

Which leaves me to say, I’m up for my next adventure, who’s in it with me?